on 050508 , 10pm
i can remember some things that happened that day which was a special day for me and for someone ..
i was at chai chee with brother in the 25 bus heading back to ang mo kio and i was on the phone with that someone whom i love soo much together with mai ..
that was the day i accepted him in my life coz i trust that he's not like any other guys ..
i remember he told me how happy he was that night ..

i remember one of the day at night when he called me ..

him: Mira .. i love you !
me: (keeps quiet for while) i love you too ..

i swear i said those words sincerely ..
since that night , my heart was totally for him , no one else ..
never have i put my heart onto anyone else though i have an ex who's in the same class as me ..
my mind was always onto him , my eyes are always searching for him , my ears are always yearing to hear his voice ..

the day after we were together , we went over to bishan to buy my mom's birthday present .
i remember every single bit of it .
i even remember the day when he gave the first peck of kiss on my lips .
it was near a bus stop when he gave me that surprise .
tho its just a peck of kiss on my lips , it meant alot to me .
that kiss makes me feel so special .

the first month of our anni was the greatest feeling of all .
we met up at dragon at tpy .
and he surprised me with this cuddly bear with a flower .
till now , i cuddled that bear whenever i miss him soo much ..
everything he gave me , is all in my room ..

this year i managed to celebrate my long awaited valentines with someone special ..
me and baby managed to come thru till this far ..
we went out wearing the same shirt , green in colour .
as it was both our favourite colour ..
we watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Buttons ..
his warm hug warmed me thruout the movie ..
his sweet kiss he gave , to show he loves me ..
after the movie , we went to vivo rooftop to watched the beautiful scenery and we talked things out ..
he laid on my chest , and i hugged him . his body felt warm as ever ..

i remember the times we went for a swim at either yio chu kang or toa payoh ..
it was the only leisure time with baby and thats the time when we could talk things out with each other ..
he likes to throw me in the water ..
and i like to splash water at his face ..
those times .. god , i miss it so much ...

our 11 months came , and it was on sunday .
we had laughers , we were normal ..
not till the next day on monday ..
everyting went cocked up ..
everyting went haywire ..
till now .. things were not its supposed to be ..

god , why must i be in this state ..
is my sins towards him soo much that i have to face all this things alone ? ..
why ?
why is always me ?
why ? ..
i loved him so much , i've sacrificed everything for him . everything ..
i took any risks that awaits me ..
i was ill but i hecked care and think and think bout how am i gonna solve all this ..
i am seriously ill , but i-just-don't-care ...
god , please show me the right path i should go ..
amin .


sigh ..