well , school ended at 10 today .
zan came today , at last . hahaha .
ade gak teman . oh well .
my classmates are pretty nice to me .
LOVE ;D

after school . though of wanting to meet boyf but .. uhm :| , he went for breakfast and went home ..
so again , what can i do ?
decided to head to mac with mai and efa .
the mac mcm budak beatty nye tempat . full of my schoolmates .
memekak nk mampos .
then msok mac , nmpk ajan .
said hi and went to find for a seat .
while queuing , rafi (4t2) chit chat with me mcm dah 4 tahun kenal .
hahaha !
he say what tau , " eh kau masok sec 5 laa . tkmu waste . aku tau ko boleh ! "
chey . encouraging sehh ! kate school councillor maaahhh .
hahah !
anw , thanks rafi {:

dah beli mkn , dudok , bobal mepek nan my girls .
send songs and stuffs .
laugh and laugh .
hahah !

i was actually pretty down as i did very badly for MYE .
but didn't show it .
i got envious when boyf msged me that he passed .
ini satu cabaran niy !
but , how am i gonna win him sial ..
my subjects all mcm sial .
susah nk mampos .

i wish i could downgrade to tech .
seems so much easier .
tapi , tech nan acad ape kurangnye jugak kan ?
aiya .
sedih sia geng .

so later around 3 plus , will be heading off to school and meet my mom .
meeet santhi bitch .
see what she say about me .
i swear to be rude to her if she said smth that is not right .
idc whether my parents are there .

prelims starts n august if i'm not wrong .
please , i wanna get serious now .
i don't want fights that occurs during my examination just like my MYE .
dah stress with MYE , stress plak nan problem .
so please , i wanna focus and be serious .

june holidays will be packed .
have to go to school for 1 week as my class has extra lessons .
i'm not gonna whine as this is the best for me and i promise not to miss any of it and to focus .
cikgu yati helped me with peribahasa ytd .
she knew i was weak in it and she taught me how to uncover the meaning behind those complicated words .
and yes , there is malay class during my hols .
*i'm not whining !*

so , 1 week of my holiday is gonna be a normal schoolday for me .
i'm striving hard to achieve more better results than this MYE results .
i know i've been saying this and then it goes into thin air .
but seriously , ii'm serious this time round .
5 june i will have school . so baby , i'm sorry we have to postpone our 1 year 1 month anni outing .
i promise i'll make a date and will spend my time as much as i can with you during this hols .
but i know you have your friends for you to enjoy with when i can't right ? ..
uhm , so after , 10 june , my birthday , i'm so not looking forward to it .
seems so boring and nothing .
meaningless too ..

perhaps will be visiting the zoo one of those days .
and yeah , every week , i'm going for regular jogs in the morning , followed by gym-ing and then swimming .
every week , yes .
loose weight coz the p.e department set us an assignment to do during the hols and that is to loose weight .
every morning , i'll wake up at 7 .
and go to either bishan or tpy stadium for jog and gym-ing .
but not bishan for swimming .
gotta control my diets and all .
we'll seeeeeeee when school re-opens , who loose weight the most ehhh ^^


my aims for semester 2 is that ,

1. Be seriously serious in studies .
2. Leave the r/s probs aside till i have a free time for it .
3. Don't stress myself with r/s probs .
4. Focus in class .
5. Get my interest back in accountings .
6. Try not to absent myself from school anymore .
7. Meet boyf once in a while when i'm free .
8. Study and study at home evetho there's no one to supervise me coz i can note down the questions i'm not sure with and clarify it with my tchers .
9. Go for frequent serious group study .
10. BELIEVE IN MYSELF THAT I CAN DO IT !

yes , thats my aim .
so boyf , i need your co-operation .
i'm gonna say this early so that you won't make a big fuss in the future .

I'm gonna say sorry now if i couldn't spend much time with you after semester 2 starts ..
Tho its our anni , and i can't make it , doesn't mean i've forgotten bout it .
i promise to set a date when i'm free to make up for our anni's .
don't make me suffer with fights and arguments ..
doesn't mean i leave the probs aside , i don't care about it ..
doesn't mean i don't get to meet you often , i don't love you anymore ..
don't ever think otherwise ..
coz you always in my mind and heart whereever i go , whatever i do .
i may be diffrent when semester 2 starts ..
but please , just endure it for a few months till my N level is over .
you want me to go sec 5 coz you don't want me to ever step into ITE kan , baby ?
so you have to understand me and don't make me angry and sad .
give me support , encouragements when i feel like giving up ..
i'm trying to fulfil your wish which is to get to sec 5 .
i swear i'll try my very best .
I'm proud of you that you did better than me .
i felt so ashamed . ashamed that i couldn't do much more better than you .
envied you . but i take that as a challenge .
keep on reminding me to study when i feel lazy ..
tell me words that could make my eyes and heart open to realise i'm slacking ..
remind me , i'm taking my N level and its not any other normal school examination ..
i'm counting on you ..


well , as for my family ..
i know we don't have much time to spend with each other ..
there were less encouragements but alot of sacarsm which makes me feel so tense .
i don't like to be compared ..
no other child would like it ..
coz i brings down their confidence and they tend to feel that they're useless .
as you know , no one is there to supervise me in my studies at home .
if wanna rely on abang , he's always whining when i ask him to teach me .
and when i don't understand what he was trying to explain , he gives up on me ..
to rely on dad , he can't rmb some of the methods for maths ..
and it takes him days to recall back and somethimes , tend to forget bout the help i asked for ..
to rely on you mum , english & malay is what i can ask you to help me with ..
coz you've told me that you are not that good in maths and ask me to ask dad ..
its hard for me ..
i can't study by my ownself ..
and sometimes when i wanna go for group studies , you nag .
saying i'll get distracted easily ..
yes but we know how to focus back to our studies after some distractions ..
zan is the only one i could rely on as he's strong in most of the subjects ..
tho sometimes he couldn't manage to explain to us in a proper way , at least he tried ..
he was the one who taught me chemistry on the day i went to mac for group study ..
and i passed my chem .
coz i can understand his explaination better than anyone ..
mom , sometimes you always nag at me that i don't need group study and i could actually can study alone without supervision ..
but you don't know how much i'm struggling without anyone supervising me ..
i just don't know how to make you understand that ..
but i'm sorry to disappoint you and dad with my terrible MYE results ..
i was just distracted by some probs i was facing ..
and i promise not to disappoint you this time round .
you wanna me to study at home , i will . with all my heart and sincerity ..





gosh , i'm soo .. down :{