raya is so near .
i've always been telling and reminding my friends how many days to raya .
like today , i remind them again . saying , " eh korang ! 3 hari lagi to raya ! "
and i will have that kinda of excited expression .
the kind of expression which shows i really can't wait and looking forward to raya .

No one knows how i feel .
maybe except for my cliques and ♥ understands how i feel .
i tried to have the semangat of raya back to me again .
but how ?

every year , when raya is nearing , i'll feel so sad .
this thought of mine disturbs me alot and it tends to make me cry .
i always felt that someone is always missing in my house during raya since after 2001 .
who is it ?
of course , the person is my late grandmother .
the only grandmother i've got to spend time with till i was 8 years old .
the only grandmother who gave me granny love .
i never get to feel the love from both my grandparents from mom's side .
on dad's side , i don't get love only form my late grandfather .

tok ayah[dad's side] died 8 days after my birthday but in the year 1980 .
tok mak[dad's side] died 15 October 2001 , 10.30pm , SGH . see , i even rmb the time seh .
Nenek[mom's side] died few months after i was born . i was about to turn 3 months old when she died . 4th September 1993 . due to heart problem . i only get to be with her when i was really really small . so i can't rmb anything .
tok ayah[mom's side] died before nenek died , before i was born . i'm not sure when he died .

i do have a step grandfather .
but ..
sigh .




i remember in the morning of every hari raya , we will sometimes go back to our kampong at pontian .
i rmb tok mak will wake me up so gently and say , " mira , bagunnnn . da raya niy . gi mandi . as tu boleh pkai baju raya baru {: "
even when we raya at my house , she'll sometimes wake me up or either mom will do .
now ? no more ..



i really envy people who still have their grandparents around .
celebrating the day of victory together as a family .
i really envy them .


how i wish she's still here with my family , getting to celebrate raya with us all ..
but for once i know , she's been always here for me and my family .
she's always with us above there .





i know , she'll also be with us on sunday .